what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize