are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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