Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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