all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
