grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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