I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
