Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
