South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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