I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
