Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dear god my vagina.
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