he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
