Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
