life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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