before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
