Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize