And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
