I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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