We won't sleep together?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I just put wine in my tea
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
