Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
