And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
