In America we eat man semen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
