We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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