hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
