Small penises have feelings too.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
