Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
