She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
