my phone cant type all the emotion im having
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
