Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
