Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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