remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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