I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
