And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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