I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
