i just had sex bonerless
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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