I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
