He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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