Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
