Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
