Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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