We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize