I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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