1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
