Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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