i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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