Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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