Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
