Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
