i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
