Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
