my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
