there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
whose ass print is on the piano?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
