cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize