well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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