I must be too annoying 4 u.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So squirting runs in the family.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
