Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
