textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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