Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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