I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
