Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize