I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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