I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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