SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
