My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
