I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
