I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
two words...techno handjob
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
