my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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