Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
