What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
