those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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