They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
