haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
