her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
